RAISING BOYS

Some of you may have seen this before, but it's worth sharing for a laugh. I plagerized most of this from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas, copied some from different sources and threw in a few of my own. If you know any more please comment below.

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious!
For the rest Read the WARNING ::



For those who have children this age, this is not funny!
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning!
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control!


Things I've learned from my Boys (based on honest actual events):

1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
   
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
   
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
   
5. You should not jump on the bed, specially when the ceiling fan is on.
   
6. You should not throw baseballs at the ceiling fan. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
   
7. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
   
8. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
   
9. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
   
10. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
    
11. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
    
12. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
    
13. Super glue is forever.
    
14. Finger nail polish remover removes the color out of your silk blouse.
    
15. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
    
16. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
    
17. VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
18. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes neither do bedsheets.
    
19. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
    
20. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
    
21. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
    
22. It takes the fire department 5 minutes to get to our house.
    
23. When said fire department arrives, your boys will be in the street, dirty faced, half dressed in their worn out boxers looking like they stepped out of a Depression era photo.
    
24. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
    
25. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
    
26. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
    
27. Dry erase markers are permanent when used on sheet rock walls.
    
28. WD-40 removes crayon marks on the walls and becomes a flame thrower when sprayed near a hot toaster (see #22).
29. Toasting rice cakes doesn't make them taste better, it only catches them on fire.
    
30. Your 2 year old is able to make a 3 hour cell phone call to Uzbekistan.
    
31. Moon Sand can be vacuumed easily from the carpet Play dough can not.
    
32. Peeing on an electric fence is painful no matter what your brother says!
    
33. You budget your health care spending account based on the previous years ER visits. (For Slam take that number and double it. No this was not a typo his nick-name is Slam for that reason).
    
34. Arranging an all night baby sitter for a night on the town with your spouse will lead you to using said baby sitter to watch the other boys while you spend the night in the ER with the monkey that was jumping on the bed while you were getting ready.
    
35. Using a hatchet to cut bamboo = Hospital
    
36. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid and do the dust bunny thing.
    
37. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.